Awesome.

fucking hate almost every aspect of my life


just to let you know



gettin the FUCK outta here

.....alot

i've been stuck in it for alil while now
after spending 3 years not in it too much

all i do is feel down and loser-esque

it is no fun iunno how you people put up with it so much
though i understand you're stress now

i know i wanna leave here but i don't know if i have what it takes to do so

supposedly in life i need a career goal
you know like something i want to achieve
i don''t have anything like that

i wanna be happy in my life
make other people happy and enjoy their lives
that is it
i wanna see things and meet people and have fun with these people and make these people have fun with me
i have NO talent and ANYTHING which sucks
i really don't have a calling in life

what do people like that do?
im just supposed to go to college until i figure out something i enjoy but i hate college
for lots of reasons

i need motivation but why would i want motivation to do things i hate?

it doesn't make sense to me

maybe i'm just really immature

whatever off to fucking work and not hanging out with my girlfriend :/


later

we need a fucking party i need to blow off some stress

yes the oelry laid backed kid is stressed

full time college student and full time work every single week is insane and i have a girlfriend who i wish i could see waaay more than i actually do
i feel the need to sit in my room and just o homework for entire days
but never do
i dont go to class or stay in classes that i go to long enough to get anything out of
im a terrible student
im anti productive
i dont know what the fuck i want out of my life

i need a goal and right now its to go to classes EVERYTIME i have them and do the fucking work
i dont know why
i dont actually have a good motivation to do this
but it will happen


where are we having this party at?

i posted a live journal

its been forever

well summer ended a whileback
college started

and i feel like i have no free time
i feel stressed
and productive
the only time in my life where i have ever felt this way
i feel like im doing something with my life
like i can actually acomplish some goal if i keep this up
unfortuantly for me i have no goals in life

i have absolute utter apathy for my future
i want to enjoy my life and make others enjoy theirs to the best of my ability
i feel like ive been slacking on that second part
prolly cuz ive been stressed
thatll change ill be ok again once i get used to all this stuff goin on


sorry for writting everything in poem format its how i think i guess?







i miss everyone who left
lots
today kev was at work and said something along the lines of "guys night"
and i was like sweet and almost said something bout calling colin
then i got sad
also i dont have jolie or kate here to go randomly hang out with and have jolie tell us stories bout her "crazzzy" nights
tres lame

on the up side
its my birthday soon
ill be visiting erryone who is at college with my truck
have presents ready
also my girlfriend is the shit



fin

in 6 weeks you wont like me anymore........not sure why you do now....


in 8 weeks you are all gone......save a few

i have not been motivated to do anything that betters my life until quite recently

guess its time to grow up....finally


id just rather keep living everything day by day
no planning
no fear of whats gonna happen next
no caring about anything but enjoying myself and making others happy

time to prioritize

i can not believe i spelled that right
spell check didn't say anything about it so i guess it right
wow

LIfe in general is amazing

working alot isnt as bad as i make it sound
i apreciate my off days a hell of alot more than i used to
and i basically get along with everyone there



i am blissfully happy in my everyday life
i am digging everything thats goin on
im digging all the people that i have met
and i feel like im getting ready to have a real life
its pretty grand




im just happy being josh and having friends

its so nice


love you all

i am so bored all the time

so glad im gonna be busy at work cuz honestly i dont want to do anything else
ever

its really sad

anyways

life is just dull i wanna go really far away for college where i know nobody....and itll take forever for people to find me just so i can see how the world is in a completely different setting
i think that will be the best for me

BUT
i have to go to GCC for 2 years which is lame as hell
i really cant wait to get the fuck outta here
my whole life i never cared about leaving jersey
i actually like it here
and i will prolly end up living out my years in jersey
but i wanna go experiene other places first
im pretty social im to the point that im social enough to get along with people
that makes me happy because i never used to

for the next 2 years
Wawa and whoever stays behind

really wish girls i like didnt think i was nuts
though its totally understandable cuz i am


back to being bored

lonely kinda

actually hung up on a girl...........weird

really just wanted to talk about my default thingy


that is all

ok so

today im going to reschedule my license test

im going to prom with this gorgeous girl who i dig alot, katie (hopefully that doesnt change)

amanda and i decided to not care about each other
no more feuding?

im working finally on thursday!

so it looks like my life is comin together quite nicely

and beyond that musical is over soon so people will be available again
im pretty happy about all this


my life kicks ass

if i can be happy

i don't know how i can be happy

im always gonna be fucking something up

someone is getting hurt by me at all times i cant stop it from happening
i have to hurt someone
its a sick choice that i have daily

no matter what i am going to be unhappy


i am dead serious when i say this
start getting over me....

all of you

My Life is heading for some severe changes

hopefully for the better

gonna act better than my usual self and not be such a loser all the time

get a job

.....some other stuff.....

unless things work out to be  alright as they are


thats all

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................


How Fucking Right Was I?

Fucking Kill Me

looove youuuu

i generally dislike most things in my life but im staying positive


ill deal and be fucking happy about my life
hell yeah